


His Fault

by Liryczna



Category: Shards of the Sun
Genre: Fyr loves everybody, Gen, M/M, a lot of self-loathing here, but not himself, give him a hug and tell him it's going to be okay, please
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 13:49:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9823364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liryczna/pseuds/Liryczna
Summary: Here is a thing about hatred: it sneaks up on you slowly.





	

Here is a thing about hatred: it sneaks up on you slowly. One reason is not good enough, but with every other mistake he has made, Fyr built the tower higher, by now certainly scraping the face of heavens. He is still surprised when it collapses and buries him down beneath its ruins. No matter what he chooses, he always makes his loved ones cry. Maybe this is just the order of the world, the sky is blue and Fyr hurts those he loves, deep like a knife wound that reaches the heart. He was meant to be alone, left behind on the day he was born, and now every time he gets what he does not deserve the fate once again slaps him in the face. He does not know what to do to help it, nothing he can say will be good enough after all. It is his fault, now doubled as the hurt he has caused spreads among them like fire.

_It's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault._

 

There is an order to his crimes:

 

Cosimo, scared and hurt, running towards him as Fyr stands in the pool of blood he had shed. His sword, burning, eating into his flesh through the gloves. The amulet on Cosimo's neck half-broken. His Master, angry and resentful, but still trying to help.

 

Ivia, eyes red and puffy, nodding along as he explains. She does not cry often, his daughter is braver than many, and she faces the world with a smile. Not now, although his promise to see her again helps.

 

Cosimo, this time crying, voice shaking, fingertips pressed quite accidentally into Fyr's pulse point on the neck as Cosimo kisses him farewell.

"Come back, afterwards."

He doesn't, he runs as far as he can, scared.

 

The Keeper, broken, hurt, dying, dying, dying as Hari did on his hands, the desperation that clouds Fyr's judgement not helping in any way. Grifaris, surprised more than anything else, then angry, then frightened. The world around them dying as well, ripping into shreds.

 

Cyn, pale, shaking, crying, trying to be as small as she can. It is his words that hurt her, his actions and choices that caused her pain, because he was too quick and foolish, too eager, and misstepped. He can't stop feeling hurt and every time he refrains from saying things, or giving her his hand, he hurts her again.

 

Steffit, almost on the verge of a heart attack, not angry but resigned as he says he wishes for just one child that would not be as problematic as them. The silence which slips in between his words, worry lines even deeper than before.

 

Gin's smile colder than it was yesterday, and she looks worse, almost running away as she leaves, and Fyr chokes on his words and stays silent. Better that than hurting them even more.

 

Flick, face in hands, oozing guilt because of what he has to do, what he has to repair. He already fights the urge to tell her to stay, but he knows better than that. She would tear him apart for leaving her behind, and he understands. It does not make it better.

 

The ring. Worry, panic, fear and pain radiating from it, eating at Fyr's resolve, slowly, burning like the heat of a flame.

 

Nil. Nil crying silently with his face covered, and Fyr knowing he just made it worse, tried to help and failed so completely. It was not about him, it never is, but still... For a moment he can't help but be greedy, and wish for a world where he can stay. The ring of guilt around his heart tightens, and Fyr wonders how long he has before it splits him in half.

 

As he climbs into Nil's bed, shifts sleeping Ivia a bit to the back and waits, Fyr resolves to say once more what he meant. He never again wants to see Nil crying, but him not knowing would be worse in the end.


End file.
